R.E.S.E.T.

Use this when you feel off, flooded, numb, or dysregulated, whether or not you know why.

Most advice works top-down, starting with the brain. “Sit with your feelings” and “journal about it” assume you can feel, name, and sort an emotion on the spot. That takes a brain that’s online. Flooded, yours isn’t, and this card doesn’t ask it to be. It starts with the body and ends with the brain. Each step has one job and needs almost no planning. You only have to remember five letters.

Processed doesn’t have to mean understood. For an AuDHD nervous system, getting back to baseline is processing. The meaning can come later, or never.

A flood arrives one of two ways. It can hit within seconds of a hint of rejection, failure, or criticism. That’s RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria), and your nervous system is treating disapproval as a threat to your life. Name it (“This is an RSD spike. My nervous system is setting off a smoke alarm, but there might not be a fire.”) and start at R. Or the flood lands hours or days after the event, when you thought you were fine. That’s delayed processing catching up. Your brain was buffering, and the download just finished.

One rule covers the whole card. Send nothing, confront no one, and decide nothing big until you reach T and the surge passes. After an RSD spike, wait at least 4 to 12 hours for the adrenaline to clear.

Reduce the input (Sensory Shelter)

Why (sensory-emotional entanglement): Sensory overload feels like emotional distress, and it makes real distress louder. You can’t tell them apart until the input drops.

Do: Cut what’s coming in, now.

• Put on headphones or earplugs, dim the lights, change into softer clothes, or find an empty room (a bathroom stall counts).
• Hunt for anything too loud, bright, hot, cold, tight, or scratchy.
• If you feel numb, hollow, or understimulated instead of overloaded, do this step anyway. The next step adds the input you need.

Rule: No thinking yet. Your only job is turning down the world.

Expel the charge (Stimming / Somatic)

Why: A feeling is also adrenaline and energy in your body. Thinking doesn’t burn it off. Moving does.

Do: Move for one to two minutes. Match the movement to the energy.

• High (anger, panic, frustration): shake out your hands, pace hard, bounce, punch a pillow, clench and release your muscles, or play a fast song on repeat.
• Low (numb, heavy, frozen): lie flat on the floor, crawl under a weighted blanket, or rock gently.

Rule: Let it look as odd as it needs to. Stimming is how your body clears the charge.

Scan the hardware (Body Check, Not Brain Check)

Why (interoception): Body signals can arrive late or not at all. Hunger, thirst, a full bladder, or a med wearing off often show up as despair or rage instead. Asking how your body feels may not find them. The clock can.

Do: Check each one by feel first. Where the signal is quiet, answer by the clock or by what you can see.

• When did I last eat? Was there protein? (A blood sugar drop can set off rage or anxiety.)
• When did I last drink water? (Dehydration spikes stress.)
• When did I take my meds? Have they worn off?
• When did I last pee? (A full bladder is a common silent stressor.)
• Am I sweating or shivering? (Overheating often shows up as irritability.)

Rule: Fix every gap before you try to work out what you feel.

Externalize or defer (Bypass Working Memory & Alexithymia)

Why (alexithymia, delayed processing): Naming a feeling can be hard or impossible. Holding it in your head keeps it spinning. Feelings can also take hours or days to arrive. Getting a feeling out of your head counts, and so does setting it down on purpose. Each option takes about a minute, because daily journaling is a hard habit to keep.

Do: Pick one of three.

• Get it out.
  • Voice memo: talk into your phone for a minute without editing. Pace or drive if that helps. Hearing it out loud often connects the dots.
  • Scrap paper: scribble words, fragments, or a messy diagram, then throw it away. It doesn’t need to make sense.
• Name it sideways.
  • Body: scan for sensations instead of feelings, and say where it sits: “Heavy throat, tight jaw.” Done. A clenched jaw often means anger, frustration, or masking. A heavy, hollow rock in the chest often means grief, sadness, or loneliness. Buzzing or fluttering in the stomach or limbs often means anxiety, overwhelm, or understimulation.
  • Behavior: say what you’re doing instead of what you feel (“rereading the same text, snapping at every noise, haven’t eaten”).
  • Weather or color: thunderstorm, fog, heatwave. A feelings wheel saved on your phone works too. Start at the broad words in the center and work outward.
• Put it on ice.
  • Tell yourself, “I feel bad and don’t know why yet. My brain is buffering.”
  • Put a time on your calendar, like tomorrow at 2 PM. Run this step again then, with whatever has landed.

Rule: You don’t need to name the feeling. “I feel awful and my chest is tight” is processed enough for now.

Transition with low-demand dopamine (Soft Landing)

Why: Going straight from a flood back to work or people burns whatever you just got back. A short, soft landing gives your body time to settle.

Do: Spend 10 to 20 minutes with something safe, predictable, and easy.

• A comfort show or video you’ve seen before.
• A stim toy, or a pet.
• A safe person nearby who needs nothing from you, each of you doing your own thing.
• Hot tea or ice water.

Rule: Skip social media. Pick something passive and repetitive that calms you. Rest without blaming yourself until you’re back to baseline.

Practicing it

• Save R.E.S.E.T. as a note or screenshot on your phone’s home screen.
• Run it on small days, when an email annoys you or you’re drained at 3 PM. Practicing on small friction is what makes it come back to you in a big flood.